Monday, December 8, 2008
Drawn to the Past.....
Why is it that I seem to be drawn to men from my past. Over the last week or so I have had contact with a man who I loved but ultimately lost, I had lunch on saturday with a man who I dated 8 years ago and I have to admit, I was slightly attracted to again. And tonight, I'm having dinner with my ex from earlier this year. Now the way I deal with breakups is this. I become bitter, swear to myself the man in question who has ruined my life (cos lets face it, the man who breaks my heart is the total arsehole because I could not have had any part in the break up what so ever ;) will never be seen or spoken of again, shed alot of tears, scream and shout and then eventually move on. In short, I become a drama queen and then it's forgotten about. Now that may not be the best way to handle it, infact, it IS NOT the best way to handle it, but it works (kinda) for me. Now lets move forward. Maybe 16 years, maybe 8 years, maybe 2 years or even maybe 2 months and all of a sudden, these men have all come back into my life and, dare I say, I like it. I have no love, lust, desire for any of them any longer (well except for maybe on Saturday, but i was drunk and I havent shagged in ages and he is cute) so basically all the carry on I go thru is bull shit, because it appears that I will see and speak of the man again.......Is it a sign that I am maturing? You would hope so since I am 40 soon. Does it mean that ultimately a man from my past will in some way become romantically involved with me again? If my past record is anything to go by then there is a strong possibility. Or does it mean that I may think I get over these fellas, but in reality I don't. And the question that I'm dreading even thinking of is this. Do I not learn from any of these love mistakes? I may be able to control many parts of my life and can be very happy with it, but if a man comes along and throws a spanner in the works, then God help me. (And him.)
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3 comments:
Too many questions to answer! I have remained in contact with a few of my past gentleman friends but I have to say, none of them really float my boat anymore. It's a tricky one, because I do wonder if I wasn't with the HOTTEST man on the planet (my gorgeous McBrad), would I want to go back to one of the ex's??? Some of them, NEVER! Some were lovely guys that weren't just right for me. I don't know the answer. Then again, I've just had 2 glasses of Shiraz and can't think that straight! hic! :-)
I'm probably not the best person to comment about this, however...
When you fall in love with someone it's obviously for a good reason. You never fall in love with someone because "they're okay" or because "they're a bit of fan". You fall in love with them because there's something about them that obviously touches you deeply.
If you still feel attracted to someone several years later, you should not feel foolish or whatever. Just recognise there was something about them that you once found attracted, and probably still always do for an important reason, not for some superficial reason.
But don't ask me, or else you'll probably need further therapy!
Monty - sometimes the best advice is given after a couple of glasses of shiraz.
James - its funny how you can have a relatively hard breakup with somebody and you think the feelings disappear but when you see them again for the first time, SOME of those feelings come flooding back. Love is a pain in the backside sometimes.
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