Was I really in love with "M" or was I just addicted to the pain. The pain of actually knowing that the man I was with was not the man for me. It was almost exquisite being with him. Or was the affection and the attention exquisite? If I was in love why has it taken me so little time to "get over it"? And am I over it if all I could think about on my "date" was not wanting to be there. Yes I know I analyse, sorry, make that over analyse. I wish I could just switch off and go "who cares". But I do care.
The day my relationship ended was the day I became free again. Free to do, to go, to be. Free of the angst of knowing that what you had was a lie. It is ok to not want to admit that what you had, is not actually what you had. Your mind said it was one thing, but your heart said it was another. Your mind can play tricks and maybe your heart does as well. Which one do you trust? The difficult thing is trying to get the heart and mind to communicate and be on the same level.
I thought dating again would be fun. Fair enough this was my first, but there wasn't anything fun about it and that is no reflection on the chap I went on the date with. He is quite lovely and handsome and seemingly charming but maybe the wound just hasn't healed yet. So maybe I shouldn't even think about "the next" because that is just too far away. Maybe first I just have to forget.
3 comments:
Matters of the mind and heart are perplexing to say the least.
They will never be on the same level, but rather compromise from time to time.
Our minds are the realist. It sees things as they are and how they will be.
Our hearts are the dreamers. Desperately trying to find the smallest good in something to override the mind.
U are a sensitive soul and if your mind has a list of 10 "don'ts" and your heart has only 1 "do" you dive in and take the risk. Not every time, but enough to realise you're a dreamer not a realist.
The times such as this one, where u feel you haven't healed, perhaps your mind is taking over. As soon as its done its job and the heart starts dreaming again, it'll let u know.
Faith in love is wonderful....its the journey that's a killer.
Anonymouse...you are a very wise person by the sounds of it. Can i come to you for advice on a frequent basis? :)
absolutely anytime!
although young in age (younger than u and from different spheres in the universe), i feel a connection to your woes and often seek and assist those that need me.
my experience with matters of the heart is extensive and that is what makes a person wise,experience..not age.
so do not fret friend, i will be there when u need me. u have someone looking out for u, but u will never truly know me or love me...and i, you.
do u believe?...the spiritual world is wonderful and its good to believe and have faith in that which we cannot see but offers us comfort when no-one is there.
Post a Comment