I don't know whether I do some things to torture myself, whether I do it cos I need to fully understand why things happen or whether I need to just put my mind at rest once and for all. But what I needed after my rather emotionally charged weekend was closure and tonight at approximately 910pm I got that. I didn't only get closure, but the door was closed, locked and bolted and the key was thrown away.
I'm a sensitive soul who is not scared to show his emotions and I think that is obvious from my most recent blogs. I don't care what people may think when they read my blog because one of the purposes of me doing this is to be honest and true and for there to be no boundaries. Like I said in one of my 1st entries, this is my diary. Albeit, a diary I don't mind sharing.
What I seem to have learnt from the past is that when life throws you a curly one and it knocks you down, you pick yourself back up and you move on, knowing that it will happen again and you will get thru it.....again. But you try to keep smiling all the same.
I have to admit that even tho I feel quite hollow and numb after tonight, there is part of me that feels almost glad I have gone thru this. Glad that I did have this experience. But there is the other part of me that is confused and angry and ruined and incredibly sad that this has happened. How can somebody be falling in love with you and let that feeling be the reason a relationship has to end. Confusing??? Indeed it is. A complete lie??? Possibly.
When your happy and you don't think about your happiness, you take it for granted. But when the happiness goes, that is when you really think about it. Sure, there are those moments amongst the gloom that lift you, but then you come falling back down, and it's that fall thats a killer. This is when you have to remember the good things like the music that makes you smile, the songs that make you sing, the laughter you hear that makes you laugh, the sun on your skin that makes you feel alive and most of all, the friends who are there when you need them most. Thats what makes me happy. And knowing that out there somewhere, is the love of your life.
P.S. I promise my next blog will make you laugh.....cos god knows thats what i need right now.
2 comments:
who on earth starts to fall in love then breaks it off? sounds like an emotionally retarded being who isnt deserving of your love anyway. tell them to get fucked.
I know gumbi....and thanks.
Post a Comment